Wind In The Sails
by IzumiTheMoogle
Summary: A collection of drabbles and One-Shots involving our favorite StrawHat Pirate crew! Genres will vary! -Latest: Sanji and Nami are having troubles in their relationship. Luffy tells it like it is. SaNa, but fine for everyone! -
1. Life Jacket

**Hello everyone! This is Izumi**_**, **_**with a new idea for a series of One-Shot drabbles concerning our favorite pirate crew! Yay!**

**Actually, this project may end in total failure if I publish out some drabbles that are crappy, but I have faith in myself!**

**This idea was inspired by dandy wonderous; one of my favorite authors here on FF! I had been reading dandy's ongoing One Piece story called "Specks of Seafoam", which is a collection of drabbles concerning the Mugiwara crew. It quite blew me away! I loved it! In fact, after you're all done here, you should go read it! It WILL make you laugh and possibly even cry from laughing and sweetness! Anyway, it made me think of a few little drabble-ish ideas I had for One Piece, and so I decided to publish a little ongoing collection myself!**

**I can't guarantee the quickness of updates. It'll vary depending on how many ideas I get, and when I feel up to writing them! XP So, bear with me!**

**So, I hope you all enjoy these short little tales! Reviewing is awesome! :)**

**Tale #1: "Life Jacket"**

**Starring: The whole crew!**

**Summary: **_The only downfall of the Devil Fruit was something that got in the way a LOT for the StrawHat crew. Taking this problem onto themselves, the Mugiwara crew becomes problem solvers!_

…………………………………………………………….

The water lulled calmly underneath the Thousand Sunny as, unbeknownst to the peaceful waters, a battled raged on the ship's deck.

"_This happens almost every freakin' week,_" Zoro thought heatedly as he slashed effortlessly through some of the bounty hunters that surrounded him, moving on to help Chopper with the group that surrounded him, "_Some group of freelance bounty hunters trying to make their name in world happen upon our ship and decide to attack,_" He scoffed as he took down one from behind who must've thought he was being sneaky, "_It wouldn't be so bad if they all weren't so weak…_"

"T-Thanks Zoro," Chopper said breathlessly, turning back into Brain Point and falling to his rear, panting, "T-These guys… J-Just don't stop…"

"Yeah, I know," Zoro said, looking around and taking out the occasional bounty hunter, "Where the hell are they all coming from?"

"Joue Shoot!" Sanji sent the last one around him flying off the deck and into the water. He took a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it in aggravation, "Shitty bastards…" He mumbled. He turned to Zoro and Chopper, "You all done over there?"

"Yeah, they don't seem to be coming anymore," Zoro noted, taking Wadou out of his mouth and looking around, "In fact, I think the only one still fighting is Luf-"

"Luffy!!" A scream from Usopp and a loud splash of water was all Zoro needed to hear before he rocketed off to the Sunny's railing, shoving his swords back into their sheaths.

"Damn it!!" He cursed before plunging into the water, a motion which was getting to be almost mechanical. He swore he could swim even _unconscious_ now for all the times he had dived into the sea to save his Captain.

He resurfaced only moments later, hanging on to Luffy's limp noodle-like form. Robin had extended down a rope of arms for them to climb up on as he swam to the side of the ship. Zoro let Luffy fall to the grassy deck with a thud. The boy spewed a fountain of water out from his mouth as he panted heavily.

"T-Tat… Was…Cwose…" He said after he was sure he had spit all the water out.

"Idiot…" Zoro grumbled as he caught his breath. Looking around the ship, he saw the rest of the crew hovering around them, but couldn't see the leader of the bounty hunters that Luffy had previously been fighting. In fact, he couldn't even see their ship. They probably ran off with their tails between their legs after the crew had undoubtedly beaten the crap out of their leader for throwing Luffy in the water.

Nami let out a sharp sigh, putting a hand to her temple, "Seriously, Luffy! Can't we go through ONE battle with anyone without having to save your hammer ass?"

"Sorry," Luffy said childishly, "It's not like I can control it."

"You could try to keep your feet on the deck where they belong," Sanji said, tossing the Captain his trademark hat. Luffy smiled happily and gladly shoved his most prized possession on his head.

"You DO tend to space out during unimportant fights like this," Usopp muttered, putting a hand up to his chin in thought.

"Zoro," Chopper suddenly ran over to the man, tugging at his arm, "Come with me. We need to get you into dry clothes."

Zoro pulled away, looking annoyed as usual, "I can do that myself Chopper, and it's no big deal anyway. I'll dry off."

"No," The doctor insisted, "You've been in the water a lot lately, and I have to be with you to make sure you ACTUALLY change into clean clothes!"

"Why would I-" Zoro started, but then stopped, thinking that he probably would just end up taking a nap in the men's quarters instead of following Chopper's instructions. He did that a lot. The swordsman let out some breath in a huff, "Fine."

He stood up and started walking to the men's quarters, with Chopper close at his heels, asking him if he felt unusually cold or if he had shivers. Zoro denied everything like usual.

"Sanji!!" Luffy said suddenly. The cook's curly eyebrow rose a little as he looked at his Captain, "Let's have dinner! With lots of meat!!"

Sanji took his cigarette out of his mouth and sighed. Eating was all he ever talked about, "Alright. I'll get started," The cook walked into the kitchen to prepare the crew's dinner.

"Luffy!" He turned around just in time to be thwacked in the head by Nami.

"Oww!" He grabbed his head and then shot up to half-glare at her, "What was that for, Nami??"

"This is serious!!" She put her hands on her hips and started right back down at him, "I don't even _know_ how many times you've fallen into the ocean this week!"

"I believe now the number is up to six times, Miss Navigator," Robin interjected calmly from the side.

"Six times!!" Nami threw her hands up in the air, "What the hell are you thinking??"

The boy shrugged, "I dunno," He then smiled, "I just have so much fun that some of my attacks sometimes miss and I fly overboard!"

Nami grabbed his cheek, "How is that something to be smiling about??"

"O-Ow! I'm sorry!" He rubbed his cheek after she let go. Why was Nami being so violent today?

"And then when he falls into the water, one of us ends up having to jump in to save him," Franky said, crossing his arms.

"Usually Zoro," Usopp noted.

_CRAAASH!!!_

The crew jumped up in alarm when they heard something hard make contact with the Sunny. They turned their heads to the quarters, where the loud sound had come from, staring in silence until their heard another sound.

"What the hell, Chopper?!?!" Zoro's muffled but still plenty loud voice rang out from the inside of the men's quarters, "What are-"

"Sounded like he just got his face shoved into the floor…" Franky muttered in almost an anxious tone.

Seconds later, the door was flung open and Zoro dashed out of the men's quarters like his life depended on it. However, it wasn't long until Chopper followed him out: "Heavy Point!!"

"Oh Cra-" Zoro started before he was pummeled to the ground, trying to lift his head up from the Sunny's deck after a few moments so he could breathe, "Chopper, come on!! I'm not-"

"I heard it!!" The doctor protested, tightening his hold on the swordsman, "I knew you were out in the water too much!!"

"It was just a sneeze!!" Zoro yelled slowly and succinctly.

Robin suddenly started to giggled, drawing the attention of everyone, including one pissed off look from Zoro, "Doctor-san, it seems like there's been a misunderstanding. We were talking about Swordsman-san, so that is most likely the cause of his sneeze."

"Huh?" Chopper looked up as if lost for a moment, but then immediately jumped off of Zoro, returning to Brain Point. He rubbed the back of his head nervously, "S-Sorry Zoro."

Zoro mumbled something incomprehensible as he stood up, rubbing his head, "Thanks, Robin," He looked up at her, "Few more seconds and he would've crushed my freakin' lung. That was a life saver…"

"That's it!!" Usopp yelled all of a sudden, making the crew jump for a second time.

"What's it, Usopp?" Nami asked from the side.

"I've got a way to make sure that Luffy doesn't sink!!"

At this, the whole crew looked at him curiously. He continued, "Yosh! This will definitely work!"

"Oi, guys," Sanji's voice was heard from the galley as he walked out holding an oddly-shaped orange object. He held it up as he walked up to them, "What the hell is this? I found it while I was going through bags of things we got while shopping the other day."

"Ah! That's it!" Usopp quickly snatched the strange orange thing from Sanji's grasp, holding it up like it was a holy cross.

"What IS it?" Franky asked.

"I bought it when we were at the last island!" Usopp announced, "I'd never seen one before, and I bought it because of the material it was made of; thought I might be able to make something from it," He tapped the side of his head quickly, "When Zoro said something about a 'life saver', I remembered it! The shopkeeper called it a 'Life Jacket!!'"

"Life Jacket?" The whole crew, savor Robin who had already heard of them, seemed to say at once.

Usopp nodded, "You put it on, like this," He demonstrated by slipping the orange vest over his shirt, buckling it together, "And while you're wearing it, you'll float when you're in the water!"

Everyone looked fascinated by this; especially Luffy, "Sugoooiii!! So it's like a Mystery Jacket!!" He exclaimed with a sparkle in his eye.

"How is it a Mystery Jacket if we know what it does, you idiot?" Sanji snapped.

"Well, does it work on even people with Devil Fruit powers?" Nami asked skeptically.

"I don't see why it shouldn't!" Usopp said.

"Let's try it out!" Chopper advised excitedly.

"Alright," Nami nodded, "Luffy, put the Life Jacket on."

"Woohooo!!" Luffy threw his fists in the air as Usopp handed him the vest. He had it on in a matter of seconds, "Whoooa, I feel like a marshmallow!!" His eyes suddenly widened as if he had an epiphany. A drop of drool started to run out the side of his mouth.

Zoro and Sanji punched him in the back of the head before he could even move, "Don't even think about eating the freakin' jacket, you idiot!!!"

"Okay guys, let's do this," Usopp said seriously. The crew clamored by the railing as Luffy hoisted himself up on it.

"I already don't like this…" Zoro muttered, crossing his arms.

"It's alright," Nami waved off his apprehensiveness, "If he ends up sinking, we can go save him."

"By 'we', you mean me, don't you?" His gaze narrowed.

"Yup!" She smiled merrily back at him before turning her attention back to Luffy, who looked as excited as a little kid who was about to be given chocolate.

Usopp sucked in a breath of air, "You ready Luffy?"

He nodded, suddenly serious, "Yosh."

The crew watched nervously as he launched himself off the railing off the Sunny and flew down to the water. Was he actually going to float?! Could this really be the answer to all of their problems?!? Every pair of eyes was on Luffy as he hit the surface of the water…

_BOOOM!!!_

"HOLY SHI-" Sanji yelled, letting the cigarette fall out of his mouth as he and the rest of the crew watched a giant hose of water shoot Luffy up a hundred feet in the air the second he touched the surface of the water.

"AAAAAAAAH!!!!" Luffy flailed around furiously as he began to fall back down to earth, stretching out his arms and winding them around the mast of the sunny. He pulled himself over there rapidly, clinging to the mast with wide eyes and a thudding heart.

"What the hell happened to the Life Jacket?!?" Usopp yelled, leaning over the railing and letting his mouth fall open as he saw what looked like a flurry of orange snow falling into the ocean.

The StrawHats all allowed for their mouths to fall open as they saw what was left of the item fall into the ocean.

"T-The sea… _Shredded _it…" Zoro stammered unbelievingly.

"Usopp," Luffy said, still looking out onto the sea with a panicky expression, "That's not a Life Jacket. That's a Death Jacket."

**Author's Note:**

**The idea for this one solely came from the question: "What would happen if Luffy wore a Life Jacket??" **

**I figured that they had all never heard of a Life Jacket before when it was brought up. XD And as for the sea's violent destruction of the poor orange thing, I thought that would be fitting for a Devil Fruit user: they can't swim, and if they use a Life Jacket, the sea blows them up and minces the jacket. **

**R&R please! I'll try and respond to all of your reviews- much like dandy wonderous does, but I may not get to all of them if I get more than expected. XP **

**Hope you enjoyed this little Mugiwara shenanigan! I'll put more up soon!**


	2. ZoXSan: The Birds, Bees, and Fangirls

**Tale #2: "ZoXSan: The Birds, The Bees, And The Fangirls"**

**Starring: Zoro, Sanji, and Luffy**

**Summary: **_One day Luffy discovers a curious little book in town… Why, it's about Zoro and Sanji! Wait, why are they holding hands?? Curious, he goes to the two pirates in question to investigate…_

…………………………………………………………….

"Zoro!! Sanji!!"

"Mm?" Hearing the voice of his Captain calling him, Zoro lifted one eyelid open, responding just in time to see Luffy swing over to the ship from the dock. He was holding what looked like a book.

"What is it, Luffy?" Sanji stepped out of the kitchen. He had just returned from shopping himself, and had placed the groceries he bought in the fridge.

"Yeah, what's up?" Zoro sat up, yawning and scratching the back of his head.

"I got something in town today," Luffy pointed to the book, "And it's about you two."

Now this piqued the men's interest. A book? About the two of _them??_ Zoro stood up, walking over to glance at whatever book Luffy had bought. Sanji quickly followed, glancing from the other side.

Zoro raised an eyebrow, "The… Days of Our Lives??"

Sanji looked a little fretful, "That's an… Odd title," He snatched the book from Luffy's hand and flipped through some pages, though it only took one and a half for him to figure out what was going on in that book.

"AAAAAAUGH!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!" Sanji let the book fly from his hands and hit the deck. He backed to the railing, staring at the object like it would give him the Black Plague.

That was it. Now Zoro _had_ to see this.

He approached the thing slowly, reaching down and picking it up with the same sort of pace. Sanji still looked out of breath, like a wrecking ball had flown out of nowhere and smacked him right in the gut.

Zoro cautiously let his eyes scan over the page that Sanji had just stopped on:

"_Sanji…" Zoro said softly, "I can't help but feel like you're hiding things from me."_

_Sanji looked back at the man with fervor, "Never! What would ever make you think that?"_

"_I just…" Zoro's eyes fell to the floor, ashamed of his thoughts, "We haven't been as close as we usually are…"_

"_Zoro," Sanji said delicately, "You know things have been busy around here… And I would never neglect you."_

"_Sanji…" Zoro looked back up at him with quivering eyes; a light shade of pink gently caressing his features._

_Sanji smiled lovingly at him, cupping Zoro's cheek with his hand and leaning in for a-_

"AAAAAAUGH!!!!!" Zoro let loose a wail to make anyone within three miles think he was going through the worst torture known to man. And Zoro had been through a lot. But all those fights didn't even compare!! Mihawk, Kuma… They meant nothing in terms of pain anymore!!!

With as much force as he could muster, the swordsman threw the book to the wall of the Sunny, causing the binding to almost break totally off. He found that he needed to clutch onto the ship's railing for support as his breathing came out in short gasps.

Luffy was actually quite alarmed by Zoro and Sanji's reactions. He had only glanced at the first few pages, and didn't know it'd be _that_ bad. Besides, he had never heard either of them scream that agonizingly before.

"W-What's wrong? Is it that bad?" He looked between the both of them, wondering if the book gave them some kind of sickness.

"W-Where… The hell… Did you… Get… That??" Sanji hissed through gritted teeth, mimicking Zoro's reaction by holding onto the opposite railing.

"I bought it at a book store in town," Luffy shrugged, "I don't usually like books, but I saw the two of you on the cover, so…"

Sanji took the liberty of moving to one of the Sunny's corners and curling his legs up in a fetal position, trying to block out everything he had just read. His attempts at taking deep breaths were shaky, "T-That was… Horrifying."

"I… Agree…" Zoro, who still had to catch his breath, said before somehow finding the strength to run over to Luffy, glaring at him accusingly, "Why did you buy that without looking at it first you idiot?!" He spat through gnashed teeth.

"Well, I looked at like the first two or three pages, but-" Zoro cut him off by pointing to the suffering book on other side of the deck.

"Go read it," He said slowly, "Then you can admit what a big mistake you've made."

Sanji turned his head around in disbelief, "What the hell?! You're actually letting him read THAT??"

"He won't know otherwise!" Zoro protested, not even bothering to look at Sanji, since that wretched book had made both of their existences seem awkward.

Luffy casually walked up to the book, reading the page that had been open ever since Sanji picked it up. His eyes scanned slowly over the pages, and it took a moment before he screwed his face up into a look of what Zoro and Sanji reasoned to be disgust.

"EWW, GROSS! What the hell?!?" He turned to the two of them, pointing back at the book, "You guys… Are you really gay?!?!"

"LIKE HELL!!!!!" The both of them yelled at once.

"Then what the heck is this?? Books don't lie, do they??" Luffy asked innocently.

"It's not the books, Luffy… It's whoever wrote it…" Zoro sighed.

"Just toss that thing overboard, okay? I'll pay Nami-swan back in full for it…" Sanji said, lighting a cigarette to try and calm his nerves, "It gives me the creeps."

"I agree," Zoro said for the second time, folding his arms tightly around his chest and still shuddering a few time from the monstrosity he saw.

"… Hey, I have a question," Luffy said, starting to laugh, "If you two _were_ gay, who'd be the girl?"

"HE would," Zoro and Sanji immediately pointed to each other, and then immediately launched at each other in anger.

Boot to blade, like normal. Luffy laughed as he looked back at the book, "_Maybe I should give this to Robin… She likes books!_"

**Author's Note:**

**Yaay! This one was so much fun for me to write!! . Now, no offense to you people who like yaoi, but I really wanted to see what would happen if Zoro and Sanji actually read a yaoi abut them. **

**And did you like how creative I was with the title of the book? "The Days Of Our Lives"? XD I had to do that. It just seemed necessary. **

**And I actually wrote in some of the 'yaoi', though it's really cheesy and exaggerated. It's supposed to be though, that's the point!**

**The question at the end was something I just had to put in there. Because I think- and I actually saw an awesome comic of this on Devintart once –that if Sanji and Zoro WERE a couple, they'd spend too much time fighting over who the woman was! XD **


	3. Hiccups

**Tale #3: "Hiccups"**

**Starring: Zoro, Luffy, Usopp, Chopper, and Robin**

**Summary: **_Zoro finds himself caught with a case of hiccups. Naturally, his friends administer some of their good ol' problem solving skills. _

**Note: **This was heavily inspired by Azumanga Daioh! There's a scene where one of the characters- Osaka –gets the hiccups, and she and her friends try somewhat ridiculous things to get her to stop hiccupping. It's one of my favorite scenes! XD In fact, most all of the lines in this are directly from that scene! If you want kind of a rough low-down on who each character is sort of portraying, here it is:

**Zoro as Osaka**

**Luffy as Tomo**

**Usopp as Yomi**

**Chopper as Chiyo-chan**

**Robin as Sakaki-san**

Naturally, some of their lines have been either switched around or totally re-worded to fit their character, but it still retains the same basic idea as with Azumanga Daioh, just a One Piece version! Enjoy! :)

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Zoro's eyes batted open slowly, taking in the vast blue sky above him as his mind refocused. He sat up from his traditional napping spot on the Merry and stretched his arms out as usual, heaving an enormous yawn and blinking his eyes a few more times just to fully adjust to the ship around him. That was a good nap.

Almost immediately, he heard the jolly laughter of his Captain, followed closely by giggles and little phrases from Chopper and Usopp that Zoro couldn't quite make out. They all seemed to be chasing each other around on the deck.

"_Probably just playing another one of their stupid games…_" The swordsman thought tiredly as he ascended slowly to his feet, stretching one more time and yawning just as big as before.

_Hic._

"What the hell?" He mumbled, startled as an unordinary sound came out of his throat in mid-yawn. He shifted his eyes from one side of the deck to the other, as if there was something there that caused the strange noise.

_Hic, hic. _

"Damn it…" He mumbled, crossing his arms, "Hm?" It was then Zoro noticed that Luffy, Chopper, and Usopp were all standing in front of him, staring at him like they had no idea who he was, "What?" He hissed.

"What was that sound you just made?" Luffy asked sheepishly, an oblivious look on his face.

"I didn't _make_ that sound, idiot…" Zoro retorted.

"It sounded like a… Hiccup," Usopp noted, putting a hand to his chin and looking at Zoro in a scrutinizing way.

"Zoro, do you have the hiccups??" Chopper asked disbelievingly. It would be hard to believe that such a serious guy could have a case of the hiccups.

Zoro leaned back a little, almost like Chopper was making him nervous, "I don't know! I just- _hic!_" A startled look quickly morphed into an irritated one.

The three onlookers gaped at him for a moment, "Whoooa!! Zoro has hiccups!!" Luffy exclaimed. He started laughing.

"Shut up, you idiot! It's not like- _hic_ –damn it…" Zoro fumed, getting angrier at these stupid hiccups by the second.

"Well, how do we get rid of 'em??" Usopp asked, resisting the urge to laugh himself, since he knew the man would kill him if he did, "I don't think anyone will take Zoro seriously during fights if he has the hiccups…"

"Shut- _hic _–up!" Zoro growled.

"Maybe it'll go away if you drink some water!" Luffy suggested happily from his new spot on the Merry's railing, clapping his sandals together.

"Ah, that's a good idea!" Chopper smiled, running into the kitchen to grab a glass of water from Sanji.

"I don't- _hic _–believe this…" Zoro mumbled, putting a hand to his hand.

Chopper soon came out with a glass in between his hooves, holding it eagerly out to Zoro, "Ne, Zoro!"

The man scoffed, grabbing the water and taking a sizable gulp from it. His viewers gazed at him expectantly after he finished.

_Hic._

"Jeez, what a stubborn hiccup!" Luffy complained, crossing his arms.

"Oh!" Chopper looked like he had a revelation, "I heard it goes away if you drink while you hold your nose!"

"What?!" One of Zoro's eyebrows rose.

"Oh, I heard something too!" Usopp piped up, "That you should cover your ears while you drink!"

"What- _hic_ –the hell, you guys-"

"Yosh!!" Luffy said determinedly, "Let's try both!"

"_Hic-_ WHAT?!" Zoro tried to protest, but soon Luffy had his hands plastered over his ears.

"Zoro, you hold your nose!" He said, "Then drink some more!"

"Luffy!! Do- _hic _–you really think-"

"You want those hiccups gone, don't you?" The rubber Captain raised an eyebrow at his First Mate.

Zoro groaned, eventually plugging his nose with two fingers and lifting the glass up to drink more water. Chopper and Usopp watched eagerly.

"How is it?? Is it gone?" Luffy asked excitedly after Zoro had taken his gulp. He took his hands off the man's ears.

"I don't know…" Zoro mumbled, standing silently while the three of them looked at him, waiting for the verdict.

_Hic._

"… Nope, nothing…" Usopp sighed.

"Oh, that's right!" Luffy poked a finger in the air like he had just thought of something, "I heard something once from Shanks! You're supposed to balance the glass on chopsticks when you drink it!!"

"Ehh??" Everyone seemed to share the same reaction.

"Really??" Chopper was wide-eyed.

Luffy nodded, "Yup! That's what he said!"

"You've gotta- _hic _–be kidding me," Zoro must've groaned for the umpteenth time, "_Hic _–How am I supposed to-"

"Yosh! Here!" Usopp suddenly pulled out a pair of chopsticks from his bag. At Zoro's questioning look, he shrugged, "You never know when they might come in handy. Like now! Here!"

Zoro was about to refuse flatly, when he realized that they would bug him about it all day if he did. With a sigh, he snatched the chopsticks from Usopp had held them out straight while Luffy put the glass on top of them.

"_This is ridiculous,_" Zoro thought hotly while he balanced the glass on the eating utensil. He shortly thought of the humiliation if the cook were to come out and see him balancing a glass on chopsticks in the hopes of curing some _hiccups. _

"Is it working, Zoro??" Chopper asked apprehensively, joining Luffy and Usopp with an intense stare at the swordsman.

"What the- _hic _–hell do you think?!" At that moment, the glass slipped off of balance, falling off of the chopsticks swiftly. Zoro stared at it in panic for a moment; Curly-Brow would be right up his ass if they broke one of his glasses, "Crap!" He hoisted his foot up, somehow managing to catch the object when it was only inches away from the ground.

The others started clapping, gaping at him in bewilderment, "Don't clap, you- _hic _–idiots!!" He fumed.

After both the chopsticks and the glass had been taken care of, the group came back out to the deck, mulling over what to try next. By now the hiccups had been going on for a while. Zoro was getting rather annoyed by them, as well as his friends' attempts at 'curing' him.

"Things sure seem to be lively down here," Robin walked down the steps, smiling at them as she walked up.

"Zoro has hiccups," Usopp said, his chin in his hand. He looked like he was thinking hard, "We haven't been able to figure out how to get rid of them."

"The hiccups?" Robin looked up at Zoro curiously. He looked away in flushed anger.

"He's had them for a while, now," Chopper said, almost sadly, "And we just can't think of anything else."

Robin put a hand up to her chin, "Come to think of it… I believe I heard that death is inevitable if you hiccup for a whole day."

"Seriously?!?!" Luffy, Chopper, and Usopp shouted in unison, terror etched on their faces. Zoro had the decency to look extremely pissed off.

"Z-Zoro!!" Chopper jumped up, grabbing onto the scruff of his shirt and pulling him back and forth, "Please be surprised! Please be surprised!!"

"I'm- _hic _–not surprised by that," the swordsman grumbled, peeling the reindeer off of his face.

"Oh yeah! I just remembered!!" Luffy said victoriously, making Zoro look at him questioningly. Suddenly, he raised his hand and slapped Zoro so hard on the back that he doubled over.

"?! The- _hic _–hell!" He gasped as Luffy continued blow after blow.

"I'll just hit your back like this until its gone!!" Luffy said elatedly as he continued his onslaught.

"Luffy! I-Isn't that for when you have something stuck in your throat?" Chopper asked quickly.

A look of realization suddenly came upon the Captain's face, "Ooooh…. Warii Zoro."

Zoro glared back at his Captain with enough heat to melt the skin right off his bones, "No- _hic _–kidding," He gasped as he regained lost breath.

"Aren't… Hiccups caused by a spasm somewhere or something like that??" Usopp asked, scratching his head.

"Yup," Chopper nodded, "It's in the diaphragm. Below the lungs."

"OVER THERE!?" Luffy screamed vigorously, raising a fist and rocketing it right into Zoro's gut, causing him to stagger back to the railing for support.

"T-That's his solar plexus!!" Chopper stammered fretfully, waving his arms around worriedly.

"One of the vital parts of the human body," Robin noted calmly.

"… Is it better though?" Luffy asked.

Zoro staggered up to him with his teeth gnashed together, "BETTER?! _Hic! _ My ass!!"

"Guess not," Usopp mumbled.

"I've read that boiling the calyx of a persimmon and drinking it will cure the hiccups," Robin piped up.

"Persimmon?" Usopp and Luffy cocked their heads to the side confusedly.

"It's a fruit," Chopper said, "But I haven't seen it in any markets, so we definitely don't have it…"

"So, what do we do??" Luffy asked.

"Try holding your breath, Swordsman-san."

Zoro shrugged, knowing that there really was no other option at the moment, and took in a gulp of breath. The crew that was assembled watched unwearyingly as the swordsman held his breath for as long as he could. They all finally blinked when he had to gasp some air back in.

"Well??" Usopp said.

"_Hic _–no good…" Zoro grumbled, crossing his arms.

"What now??" Chopper turned to Robin, who had a hand up to her chin in thought again.

"Putting pressure on the eyes, perhaps?" She said.

Luffy immediately shoved his two thumbs onto Zoro's eyelids, making the man cringe and pry him away, "What- _hic _–the hell, Robin!?"

"He's right; I kinda don't think that's gonna do it," Usopp mused, "Got anything else, Robin?"

"Pulling on his tongue, maybe?"

Luffy, once again, reached for Zoro's face, but the man grabbed his wrist to hold him before he could even _try _to reach into his mouth, "Anything a little less ridiculous??"

"Well, I don't have much more…" Robin said, "I would suggest giving it to someone else," She smiled good-humoredly.

"Yeah, uh-huh," Zoro glared.

"That is a little unrealistic," Usopp said.

"What? Sounds like a good idea to me!" Luffy said.

"Did we- _hic _–ask you, Luffy?" Zoro moaned, almost twitching with every hiccup now.

"If it still persists, it may be an illness," Robin suggested, "Maybe you should have Chopper take a look at you, Swordsman-san."

"What kind of disease would that be?" Luffy asked confusedly, once again cocking his head to the side.

"One of the brain, perhaps."

"WHAT?!" Zoro yelled.

"Ahh…" Luffy and Usopp said in unison, slamming their fists into their palms.

"What- _hic _–the hell do you mean, 'Ahh'?!?" Zoro fumed.

"Well, there does seem to be something wrong with your brain, sometimes," Usopp nodded.

"Excuse me?!"

"You DO do weird things sometimes," Luffy admitted, "You get lost real easy."

"What does that have to do with it?!?!" Zoro yelled, "I think I'd know if I had a disease!!"

"Maybe it's a Mystery Symptom…" Luffy mused.

"What??!"

"Yeah, like one you don't realize yourself," Usopp said.

"What the hell?! How does that make sense!?"

"Um…" Chopper said suddenly from the side, staring at Zoro with wide eyes, "Didn't the hiccups just stop?"

"They went away on their own," Robin said, semi-surprised.

"….." There was a pause before Zoro spoke, "If any of you speak a word about this to anyone, I WILL kill you…"

**Author's Note:**

**I had SO SO much fun writing this!!! XD Watching that Azumanga Daioh scene and writing a One Piece counterpart to it: so awesome!!**

**This was actually much longer than I had anticipated. Of course, I wasn't originally going to do a spin-off of that Azumanga Daioh scene either, but I think it turned out rather well! XP **


	4. The Visit

**Tale #4: "The Visit"**

**Starring: Sanji, Zeff, and the Baratie crew**

**Summary: **_The StrawHats find themselves back in the East Blue after finally acquiring the One Piece. They're close to a certain restaurant, so Sanji decides to stop by for a little visit…_

**Note: **This story was inspired by an idea that I had while talking to my good author friend dandy wonderous! We were talking about how the chefs at the Baratie actually posted up Sanji's wanted poster in the restaurant, and how UBER embarrassed and angry he'd be if he found out. XP Hence, this short was born…

Enjoy! :)

………………………………………………………………………………………………

They had done it.

The StrawHat pirates had found the One Piece; finally, after all that time of searching and exploring the Grand Line. It hadn't been easy at all. There was times when it seemed like there was no hope left for the crew. They had narrowly escaped death one too many times- Sanji though –to be scared by most anything anymore.

So why was his stomach clenching up like this?

He had been through so many hellish experiences with his crew. So many that he really couldn't remember every single one of them. Sanji was sure that he had broken his ribs so many times that by now if they broke again it would just feel like a poke in the gut. He'd been in situations where the tension and stress was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

So why did he feel so hesitant about stepping off the Sunny?

That place brought back so many memories as he gazed at the fish head at the front and the bold blue lettering that still stood proudly: BARATIE. Sanji swallowed down the lump in his throat and tried to make it look like he was being as nonchalant as possible. He carefully lit a cigarette and inhaled to try in calm his nerves.

He had called them via Den Den Mushi earlier, so they were definitely expecting him.

Nami was the only one to notice his nerves getting the better of him. She had a talent of telling when people were putting a wall around their real emotions. She laid a hand on his shoulder. Sanji glanced around with surprise.

"Nami-san?"

She smiled softly at him, "Why are you so nervous? You know they'll be nothing but happy to see you again."

Sanji let a puff of smoke escape his mouth. Curse Nami-san's ability to read people like a book! Well, not really… He would never dream of cursing her, "… Yeah. I know. It's just, well, I dunno, I…" He rubbed the back of his neck with a hand nervously.

"Don't worry Sanji-kun," Nami reassured him, taking her hand off his shoulder, "It'll be fine. And we'll be right here waiting, alright?"

"Right," Sanji smiled back at her, "_Ahh, Nami-swan is so wonderful when she's reassuring me!!" _

He finally hopped off the railing of the Sunny and down onto the wood planks that made up the Baratie's port. Hands shoved characteristically in his pockets, he let out another breath before starting to walk up to the entrance. He knew that Nami was right though; he shouldn't be nervous. Besides, those bastard chefs would probably mock him about it for the rest of all eternity if he showed it.

"Oh, and don't take too long Sanji-kun!" Nami called out from behind him, "Luffy will get hungry, and you know the restaurant isn't safe if he's hungry!"

Sanji chuckled, "Hai, Nami-san!"

Soon enough- sooner than the chef would've liked –he was at the front entrance of the Baratie. A hesitant hand reached down and grabbed one of the brass door handles, pulling the large door open swiftly and stepping inside.

He was greeted with a completely empty restaurant.

His visible eye narrowed as he continued to walk forward, glancing around all of the round tables, the chairs… Whoa, they got new chairs. About time. Patty _was_ always breaking them, the idiot. Sanji felt a smile tugging at his lips.

"_A lot of… Good memories here,_" He thought, looking around the deserted establishment, "_But I wonder where everyone i_-" His thoughts were jarred as he saw one of the most horrifying images he had ever laid eyes on. THAT thing! That thing, that face that was plastered in his mind for the rest of eternity! And it was right up on the Baratie's wall!?

_Shit._

Sanji felt his face grow red with embarrassment mixed with fury. His fists clenched together in pure rage just as a group of chefs with overjoyed smiles on their faces slowly came around the spiral staircase that led to the upstairs kitchen. Each one of them was incredibly happy to see Sanji again, and they thought they'd surprise him by sneaking up on him.

Unfortunately for them, Sanji was in NO such mood.

The chefs rounded the corner, Patty and Carne among them, and opened their mouths to speak, when Sanji leaped forward and started kicking in the face of whichever chef's face he saw first. They all stopped to look at him in shock.

"S-Sanji?!" Carne sputtered, looking down in disbelief at the now twitching man by him on the floor with the boot print on his face.

"W-What the hell's the matter with you?!" Patty yelled as he dodged being hit by another guy that was sent flying.

Sanji looked up at them with now characteristic flames surrounding him. He gave them a glare that could melt a block of ice: "WHAT THE HELL'S THE MEANING OF THIS, YOU BASTARDS?!?!"

"Huh?!" Everyone seemed to say at once.

Why was he so pissed off?! All they were doing was trying to welcome him home! Why was he kicking the crap out of everyone there?

"What the hell is your problem?!" Carne yelled, being agreed with by a few other chefs, "All we're doing is trying to welcome you back!! And you just start beating the crap out of us?!"

"_Welcome _me?!" Sanji shouted, "This is how you welcome me!!" He jutted a finger at the piece of paper on the brick of the staircase, visible to anyone who walked in. The chefs looked at it in confusion for a second, then some started to laugh. One chef piped up:

"Oh, that! But it's your-" He was interrupted when a shoe came flying up and slammed into his jaw.

They all shared apprehensive glances with each other, and the ones that were laughing stopped abruptly. Sanji was REALLY pissed about that picture of him! And they all thought it was funny, but they never thought he'd freak out this bad when he saw it. With a sinking feeling, everyone remembered that their weapons were stowed away… Damn.

Patty ducked down again, narrowly missing being the next target of Sanji's wrath, "Come on, Sanji! It's not that bad!!"

"Not that bad?!" The blond fumed, "It is when that's YOU to the Marines!!"

One after another the chefs started to fall until there was practically no one left standing up. Suddenly, Sanji was swept off his feet unrepentantly and knocked into one of the tables, knocking it over with a crash and breaking it in two.

As he regained his breath and sat up with a wince, Sanji looked up to see a wooden leg still hoisted up into the air and a tall unmistakable white hat towering over him. He thought so. That kick he'd recognize anywhere.

"You damn brat," Grunted Zeff, stroking his braided beard once before lowering his leg; "You always have to make a mess of things, don't you?"

Sanji half scoffed half chuckled as he staggered back up to his feet, "Heh. It figures… Been all the way around the world, and you can still knock the wind out of me."

"Keh!" Zeff responded, "Are you kidding me? I'll always be able to kick your ass, no matter where you've been!"

Sanji's visible eyebrow lowered as he reached for another cigarette. Damned old man knocked it right out of his mouth. He pointed at the wanted poster again, "Whose decision was it to put THAT up??"

Zeff smirked, "All of our's."

Sanji let the smoke escape from his mouth with a hiss, "Bastards," He sneered as he looked at the chefs behind Zeff struggling to get back up to their feet, "Always gotta do whatever it takes to piss me off," He walked over casually to Patty and Carne. They looked up nervously, as if trying to brace themselves for his next attack.

Sanji smirked, extending an arm down to them, "Just like old times, eh?"

Surprise quickly turned into happiness as Patty and Carne both clutched onto Sanji's arm and let him hoist them back up to their feet. They patted him on the back fondly and firmly.

"Jeez, Sanji," Patty said, stretching out a little, the smile he wore not vanishing from his face, "I dunno what the Grand Line did to ya, but your kicks are even stronger now, ya jerk!"

Sanji chuckled, "I do what I can."

The other chefs all stood up slowly too, the smiles on Sanji, Patty, and Carne's faces echoing throughout the room. They all agreed with Patty about Sanji's strength.

"But Boss Zeff can still knock you down!" One chef said, nudging Sanji in the side.

"Che," Sanji scoffed, "Whatever," He glanced back at the table he broke, "Heh. Sorry about that. Looks like you guys finally got new tables and chairs though."

"Yeah, even though Patty still smashes a chair about every day," Carne said in an annoyed way, causing Patty to start yelling at him feverishly.

Sanji laughed shortly, causing everyone's gaze to fall on him again, "You guys sure haven't changed, huh?"

The chefs took turns laughing and patting Sanji on the back affectionately, welcoming him back with vigor and congratulating him on finding the One Piece. Surprisingly, it was Zeff who said the statement first:

"So, Sanji, you wanna tell us about your adventures on the Grand Line?"

Somewhat caught off guard by the old man asking this question first, the other chefs soon started encouraging Sanji to sit down and talk to them about his journey. He chuckled shortly.

"Everything? Are you sure? That'll take quite a while."

"We wanna know everything," Carne said with a grin.

"Yeah, we need to catch up," Patty agreed. He nicked Sanji in the shoulder, "It's been really quiet around here without you, Sanji."

"Alright then," Sanji announced, "Sounds like grounds for a feast if you ask me," The chefs hurriedly agreed with cheers, chattering away about what kinds of foods they should make. Sanji interrupted them soon, "Oh, and it wouldn't be a bother if I brought the crew in, right? Luffy will have my head if we're having a feast without him."

Everyone agreed immediately, a group of the cooks volunteering to run out and get them. Zeff instructed the remaining men: "Everyone start preparing immediately! We're going to need a lot."

"You don't know the half of it," Sanji said, "You've got to make as much as you possibly can. Trust me: you have no idea how much they eat."

"You're coming to help, right Sanji?" Patty asked hopefully.

"Of course," He slid off his black jacket and hung it on his arm, "I have to admit, I miss that kitchen."

He began to step forward when he felt a hand grip his shoulder. He turned around to see Zeff smiling at him. Sanji turned around right when the man extended his hand out. He smiled, taking it with a firm grip.

"Welcome home, Sanji," Zeff said, suddenly pulling Sanji into a hug. The blond's eyes widened momentarily at this unfamiliar contact. But soon he put an arm around Zeff as a return to the hug. His smile widened, and he tried to stop his eyes from feeling wet.

"It's good to be home… Chef Zeff."

**Author's Note:**

**Oh, the Sanji and Zeff fluffiness!! . I really had fun writing this! And I did feel quite warm and fuzzy inside after that last little scene.**

**As for the timeframe being after they got through the Grand Line, I couldn't figure out any other place in the storyline where Sanji could possibly visit the Baratie… It's hard to write for a time period that hasn't happened yet; and actually kinda fun! X3 So, all in all, I'm happy with this One-Shot. **

**Thank you dandy wonderous, for starting the conversation with me that eventually turned into this! :] **


	5. Rock, Paper, Scissors: Luffy Duty

**Tale #5: "Rock, Paper, Scissors: Luffy Duty"**

**Starring: Zoro, Sanji, and Luffy **

**Summary: **_In all of their fights, it was always Luffy who fell into the water first. And it was always Luffy who fell into the water the most. Naturally, that only gave Zoro and Sanji something else to argue about. _

**Note: **This short was also inspired by my author friend dandy wonderous! We were talking about how Zoro and Sanji usually were the ones to save Luffy when he fell into the water, and if they had some sort of trade-off system. And I thought: "Whoa! One-shot idea!!" So yeah.

Reviews are much appreciated! Enjoy! :)

Oh! And Janken = Rock, Paper, Scissors in Japan for those of you who don't know.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Zoro laid down at his usual napping spot on the Thousand Sunny with a loud huff. He was NOT in a good mood, nor had he been for the past few days. The source of his anger was the same one that it had always been:

"Nami-swaaan! Robin-chwaaan!!"

Ugh. And there it was. The sickening sound of a curly-brow in perpetual heat.

Zoro scoffed as he watched the cook prance- rather gaily; Zoro had his thoughts about Sanji for a while, but then decided against it since the man really did like boobs too much –over to Nami and Robin like usual, giving them some shimmery fruit cocktail in his usual showy way, and babbling on about some love nonsense that neither of the women probably listened to anymore.

Zoro and Sanji usually fought everyday; it was like a routine: get up, eat, taunt the curly-brow, kick his ass, nap. But lately they had been getting along worse than usual, and with no real reason either. Of course, neither of them would admit that there was no reason why they were fighting more. Because one of them _must've _done something wrong.

Zoro had the decency to shoot a dirty glare at Sanji as he walked back to the kitchen with an empty tray. Sanji shortly turned his head in the swordsman's direction to return the nasty look before turning back around and heading for the kitchen.

He scrubbed the leftover dishes from breakfast roughly, biting down on his cigarette. Man that Marimo was pissing him off!! It had been like this for a week now. They had just left Thriller Bark after narrowly escaping death from _two_ Shichibukai, so, by all rights, he should've been happy that they were all still alive.

_Shitty swordsman._

Sanji finished washing the dishes, letting loose some air and causing smoke to billow up in the kitchen. All of a sudden, he heard something outside that immediately caught his attention:

_SPLASH!!_

Sanji's head was instantly gazing out the window; he knew that on this ship, a loud splash of water could only mean two things: either a huge sea-dwelling creature had just jumped up beside them, or their Captain was drowning.

It was probably the latter.

"_Shit,_" Sanji thought in annoyance as he shook his cigarette out, tossed it in the garbage and slid off his jacket, running outside. He took the frightened yells of Usopp, Chopper, and Brooke to mean that Luffy really was drowning, and dove off the railing. Much to his displeasure, the Marimo was sleeping soundly on the other side of the deck. He probably didn't even hear the splash, damn him.

Moments later, Sanji came back up to the surface with Luffy's arm slung lazily over his shoulders. His spectators frantically helped him back up to the ship as Luffy spewed out the water in his system.

"You damn bag of hammers…" Sanji swore as he got up, "You'd think that by now you'd learn not to be such an idiot near the water!!"

"I-I'm… Sowwy…" Luffy gasped, on his back on the deck.

Sanji grumbled some choice words about idiots and the like as he wrung out his tie. Now the cologne he had put on for Nami-san and Robin-chan was totally unnoticeable because of the water… Damn ocean… He glared icily at Zoro as he passed by him: "Shitty marimo; you could've got him yourself if you weren't such a damn narcoleptic," He mumbled.

All of a sudden, Zoro smirked, "I'm sorry, what was that? Your clothes are dripping too loud; I couldn't hear you."

Sanji's mouth fell open. That bastard was awake the entire time!! "You shitty bastard!!" He cursed at the man, fists clenched, "What the hell is your problem?! You could have gotten him yourself!!"

Zoro's smirk didn't vanish. He opened an eye, "I thought it'd be fun to see how pissed off you'd get," By now Sanji was fuming. Zoro opened both eyes, "Besides, I'm always the one who has to rescue him. It's not like you ever do."

Sanji gritted his teeth together furiously at Zoro's accusation, "_What_?!" He sputtered, "Are you saying that I've never saved Luffy before?!"

"I'm saying that you're usually too preoccupied in our fights with those women of yours to even think about anyone else," Zoro replied, raising an eyebrow at him.

Sanji's own eyebrow twitched a little, "Excuse me!?! Don't act like you're Mr. Hero, you marimo bastard! And how dare you refer to Nami-san and Robin-chan in such a way!!"

Zoro scoffed, standing up and hoping to glare the cook's face right off, "When did I ever act like that?! You wanna fight about it, curly-brow??"

"Yeah, I do!" Sanji was SO fired up right now; he wanted to kick that swordsman's ass all the way back to East Blue.

"Hold it!!" Unbeknownst to them, Nami had- unfortunately –heard everything. Zoro and Sanji looked up with opposite expressions. She glared down at the two of them from the top half of the deck, "You guys are NOT going to fight! I know how mad you are, trust me; this week has been nothing but yelling between the two of you," She put her hands on her hips, "If you fight THAT pissed off, who knows what you monsters might do to this ship?"

Zoro jutted his lower lip out a little, quite frustrated. He knew that if Nami didn't want them fighting, the ero-cook would refuse to… What she said was true though. They were both angry enough to destroy the Sunny if they started throwing blows at each other.

"Hai, Nami-swan!" Sanji cooed, a single heart bursting forth from his outstretched arm. His expression quickly changed to a scowl as he turned back to Zoro, "You're lucky, bastard. I was about to wipe the floor with your face."

"Keh," Zoro scoffed, taking his hand off Wadou, "You're just afraid of how hard I would've kicked your ass, and you know it."

Sanji scoffed back, the two of them silently trying to peel the other's face off with their glare. Nami sighed: "And they STILL look like they might start destroying the ship… Why in the hell are they getting along so much worse?"

From a comfortable spot on a lawn chair with a book, Robin giggled, "I've always thought that their fighting was just a friendly rivalry of sorts, Navigator-san."

Nami laughed without humor, "Is it friendly rivalry if it looks like they might actually break apart our ship?" Robin laughed. Things were quite lively today.

"Oi, oi, what's this about breaking the ship?" Franky came up from the lower levels of the ship, wiping sweat from his forehead. He had been working on trying to update the StrawHat Docking System; rather, he was tinkering around with it.

"Zoro and Sanji are really mad at each other for some reason," Usopp muttered, walking up beside Franky and followed by Chopper, Brooke, and Luffy.

"Well, that's not anything new, is it?" Franky asked, looking at Usopp like he was nuts.

"No, but this time they're SERIOUSLY pissed…" Usopp continued, looking a tad on the apprehensive side.

"I've noticed that Zoro-san and Sanji-san HAVE been more fierce with each other for awhile now," Brooke piped up.

"Ever since we escaped from Thriller Bark," Chopper said, shuddering a little at mentioning the name of that horrible place.

"I wonder why they're so upset with each other…" Usopp mumbled, starching his head.

"Maybe they just feel like it," Luffy suggested innocently from his spot on the railing, clapping his sandals together.

The others looked at him confusedly, "Come on, Mugiwara," Franky said, "They couldn't seriously be super angry at each other for no reason."

Luffy shrugged, his trademark goofy smile appearing on his face, "I dunno. They're just weird like that."

"_You're one to talk about being weird…_" The crew all thought with sighs.

"Well, they need to settle whatever the problem is somehow," Nami huffed, "Because this whole week has been just one long migraine."

"We were _about _to settle it, but then you stopped us…" Zoro grumbled.

"That's because YOUR way would trash this ship!" Nami protested.

"Oi, no trashing the Sunny!" Franky said firmly, "If you two want to kill each other, at least do it somewhere where she won't be damaged!"

"N-No! Killing each other won't solve anything!!" Chopper yelled frantically.

"It would mean I wouldn't have to listen to your annoying ero-talk," Zoro growled.

"And it would mean I wouldn't have to listen to YOU constantly bad-mouthing the ladies!" Sanji hissed.

Nami groaned, "You two are impossible… I swear…"

"Janken!!" Usopp suddenly yelled out like he had a revelation.

"Huh??" The others all seemed to say at once.

"Yeah!" Usopp went on, "Zoro and Sanji should just do a game of Janken!! So then they can settle their fight; at least for a little while!"

"Ooh! Usopp, sugoi!" Chopper said in bewilderment, like the plan made perfect sense.

"Wait," Sanji said skeptically, "You're saying that we should just play Janken to solve our problems?!"

Suddenly, Zoro threw his hand out in a fist. His expression was stone hard, "Let's do it."

"What?!" Sanji looked at him like he was crazy.

"I have to let out all of this anger somehow," Zoro continued, "And besides, when I win this it'll be one more thing that I can kick your ass at," He smirked.

A vein popped out of Sanji's forehead. He shoved his fist out, "Your ass is mine," He smirked darkly.

"Yosh!" Franky declared suddenly, doing his trademark pose. He jumped down to the deck, "Time for a game of 'Super Janken'!!"

"Yay!!" Luffy, Chopper, Usopp and Brooke all gathered around Sanji and Zoro, cheering wildly.

Nami sighed, "It's like babysitting…"

Robin laughed, "I don't know Navigator-san, this looks like fun."

"Loser gets Captain Duty for a month," Sanji said icily.

"Works for me," A devilish smile crossed Zoro's features.

"Alright!! Time for Super Janken!!" Franky announced, sending their spectators into a wild flurry of applause, "This match: Pirate Hunter Roronoa Zoro VS. Black Leg Sanji!! We will have three rounds! Best two out of three!" Zoro and Sanji looked ridiculously focused for two men playing a game, "First Round: Begin!"

"Ja! N! Ken!"

Sanji: paper. Zoro: rock.

A victorious smile came across the cook's face, "Take that, Marimo!" The others cheered for him wildly.

"Whoo! Go Sanji!!" Chopper shouted.

"Don't give up, Zoro-san!!" Brooke yelled out.

Zoro scowled at his opponent, putting his hand back in the read position. Franky called the attention back to him: "Yosh! Winner of round one: Sanji!!" Cheers again, "Zoro better put on his game face! Sanji is nothin' but serious!" Zoro scowled again, making Sanji's victory smile even wider.

"It ain't over yet, cook," Zoro spat.

"Second Round: Begin!!" Franky announced.

"Ja! N! Ken!"

Sanji: paper. Zoro: scissors.

This time it was Zoro's turn to smile, though his was much more wicked-looking than Sanji's had been, "Getting nervous, Dartboard?"

"Che," Sanji said quickly, covering the nervous anger on his face, "You wish, Marimo!"

"GO ZORO!!" Luffy cheered, along with the other Nakama watching.

"Yosh! Winner of Round Two: Zoro!!" Franky shouted. More cheering, "Looks like he isn't ready to give up, but by the look on Sanji's face, neither is he! This last round will decide it all!!"

The tension aboard the ship was so thick you could cut it as Zoro and Sanji got back into their ready positions. All of a sudden, Usopp looked over at his Captain: "Ne, Luffy. Where's your hat??"

"Huh??" Luffy looked confused for a moment, and then felt the top of his head to feel nothing but hair. He screamed, "UWA!!! HAT!! WHERE'S HAT??!!?"

"Didn't he have it with him when you went in after him, Sanji?" Chopper asked nervously. When Luffy lost his hat, things got really bad really fast.

"No," Sanji answered, "At least, I didn't see it on him. But maybe it fell off when he was still in the water."

"HAAAAT!!!" Luffy wailed, immediately getting up and running over to the side of the ship.

"L-Luffy-san, wait!!" Brooke called out after him, but was too late. Luffy had already launched himself into the water to find his lost treasure.

For a moment, the crew just stared at the side he jumped off of in awe. Could he really be that stupid?! … Of course he could… It was Luffy, "Luffy!!" Chopper cried out desperately. Zoro and Sanji glanced at each other and then sighed in unison, walking over to the ship's railing nonchalantly.

"You get the idiot, I'll get the hat," Sanji said casually.

"Alright," Zoro sighed, placing his swords on the deck, "I can't believe how stupid he is…"

"I know," Sanji groaned, "This'll be the second time today I've had to get my clothes all wet because of that bastard idiot."

"If the hat's drifted off some more, come back up and I'll help you look for it," Zoro said.

"Sure," Sanji nodded before jumping into the water, followed by Zoro.

The rest of the crew was absolutely speechless. It took a moment or two before Usopp gulped down the lump in his throat enough to talk, "W-Were they just… Getting _along_??"

"… They were…" Chopper shivered and hid behind Usopp's leg, "Usopp, I'm scared."

"It was like this entire week of fighting didn't even happen…" Franky said apprehensively.

"S-Scary…!!" Brooke shuddered.

Nami clutched onto her head, "Nothing makes sense anymore!!" She shouted.

Robin laughed yet again, "Captain-san does have that affect on people…" She went back to reading her book, not worried in the slightest. Sanji and Zoro would make sure both Luffy and his hat were okay, working together flawlessly.

Just like they always did.

**Author's Note:**

**This was so much fun to write!! Mostly because I just envisioned this awesome scene where Franky was commentator for the 'Super Janken' round that Sanji and Zoro were having! And they were so serious about the whole thing. XP **

**And I know that Luffy never really goes a minute without noticing that his hat was gone, but for the sake of the story, let's just say that he was distracted by the epic battle of rock, paper, scissors! :] **

**And as for Zoro and Sanji getting along, they really CAN if they try! And I hope it made you guys smile with the fact that Luffy was the only one who figured that Zoro and Sanji were fighting for no reason. **

**I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!**

**(And dandy-chan, I tossed in that bit of Sanji/Zoro nakamaship in the end just for you! ;] )**


	6. Luffy The Love Guru

**Tale #6: "Luffy the Love Guru"**

**Starring: Luffy, Sanji, and Nami**

**Summary: **_Sanji and Nami have been having some troubles in their relationship recently and neither one know what to do about it. So Luffy tells it like it is. _

**Note: **This story obviously includes SaNa. If you don't like the pairing, you should still be able to read the story and enjoy the main point of it. If you DO like the pairing (like me! XP) then you should very much enjoy this as well!

Basically, I'm saying that both SaNa lovers and haters will enjoy the main point of this story.

And don't worry about the characters being OOC because of the pairing. I would NEVER do that to any anime. Especially One Piece. (Plus, I just hate OOC-ness with a fiery passion) What I'm saying is that Sanji and Nami will still be in character, even though they're a couple. So worry yourselves not!

Anyway, this was a little idea I've had in my head for quite a while now. I wanted to make a story where a couple was having a bad time in a relationship, and then gets advice from someone who usually seems totally CLUELESS in terms of love. And good advice at that. One Piece was definitely the perfect guinea pig for that idea. XD

Enjoy!

………………………………………………………………………………………………

A sigh, "Sorry Sanji-kun; not right now."

A slump of shoulders, "But _why, _Nami-san? Please, tell me."

A gentle hand on his shoulder, "Sanji-kun, it's difficult to say…"

A sincere hand on hers, "Nami-san, you know you can talk to me about anything."

Another sigh, "I just need time."

A release of hands, a pivot, a clicking of heels, a closing door. And one last long and drawn-out sigh.

It was like this almost _every day_.

Sanji leaned against the kitchen counter, his fingers gripping the handle to the oven door tightly. What was going on? Why did all of these complications have to be going on _now_? He let some smoke escape from his mouth in an irritated (yet not, because he could never be actually irritated with Nami-swan) breath and took to staring at his polished black shoes.

Things had been going really well. He and Nami had been together for almost half a year now, and it had been the best time of his life. He was never happier than when he was around her, and he had thought that she felt the same way. But…

She kept on saying no.

It wasn't anything bad, mind you. It wasn't like he was asking her to sleep with him. HEAVENS, no. Sanji would never do that and risk ruining the entire relationship. (When things got farther along, he would definitely put it into consideration) But it was very rude, he thought, to ask a lady to make love to you when you weren't even a serious couple.

But he wanted them to be a serious couple. He wanted to seize this opportunity, this one chance he had to be with one of the most beautiful people in the entire world. He sometimes _still_ didn't believe that Nami actually loved him too. But if she did really love him like she said she did…

Why did she say no to his request every time??

Why was she so reluctant to go into a deeper relationship with him? He was extremely loyal to her, attended to her every need, did anything she asked, and bought her gifts just about every time they landed on an island with stores. So why?

She had always been appreciative and understanding with his feelings. She never even got jealous when he flirted or looked at other girls, because she knew that it was just the way she was and she loved him that way… So why?

Sanji sighed again and leaned all of his weight against the oven door, almost sliding down to his backside. Even being the romance-savvy person that he was, the cook could not figure out for the life of him what was wrong. He doubted if he ever would…

Suddenly the kitchen's door opened again, and Sanji looked up just as Luffy, Zoro, and Usopp filed inside, the latter greeting him and then stopping short at his forlorn expression. They quietly continued to the table in the center, sitting down at their usual dinner spots.

Sanji had almost forgotten about dinner… He mentally kicked himself as he glanced back at the beginnings of the meal he had begun to make before Nami had walked in. She had always distracted him, but never from cooking. He guessed it was a sign that things were not looking up for him.

The three men sitting at the table could probably tell too.

"… Said no again, huh?" Zoro ventured calmly, leaning over the table and resting his head in a palm. Sanji's fist clenched around the oven door. He snarled:

"Shut up," His tone lacked the ferocity he'd intended.

"… Jeez, I'm sorry Sanji. Must be hard," Usopp offered semi-nervously, rubbing the back of his head and not wanting to be subject to the cook's wrath. He was already violent enough in a good mood. If he was in a bad mood, well…

When Sanji was in a bad mood, the entire world (savor all the pretty women) had to pay for it.

Luffy, being the sensitive guy that he was, decided to tell it like he saw it, "Man, you guys have been fighting a lot lately!"

Usopp's head darted over to Luffy, "Baka! Who do you think you'll be helping by saying things like that??"

Luffy just blinked in confusion, "Well they _have _been."

Nami, who had momentarily retreated to the women's quarters, decided to leave when the antsy feeling she had wouldn't go away. Robin had asked if she wanted to talk about it, but that didn't sound like the best thing to her.

Hesitantly, she made her way up the Merry's stairs, heading back towards the kitchen. Truthfully, she felt guilty… She loved Sanji very much, and wished that she could say yes to his offer, but…

Nami stopped a foot or so away from the door and looked down at the deck with a frown on her face, "_It's just… Too sudden," _She thought, "_Too soon for me. And he has to understand that…_" She sighed again, not understanding why he didn't.

She swallowed a lump in her throat and began to turn around and go back down the stairs when she heard Sanji's voice come from the kitchen:

"We're not fighting," He said defensively, "We just… I dunno… I guess we just aren't seeing eye to eye on a few things…"

Suddenly intrigued, Nami crouched down, leaning against the outside kitchen wall and leaning her head back so that she could hear better. Zoro's voice drifted in next:

"So, what have you done about it?" He acted like it was so simple.

Sanji scoffed, finally taking his hands off the oven handle and crossing his arms, "We can't just fix it, Marimo. It's not that easy."

"Well, it sound to me that you guys are making it much harder than it should be," Luffy said nonchalantly from his position on the bench, legs crossed.

Everyone in the room suddenly looked at him with scrutinizing gazes, "… Excuse me?" Sanji managed to get out, being the only one in the room to voice their singular thought.

"Just what I said," The Captain continued, "You two have some differences that you need to settle, and it could be really simple if you thought about it."

Everyone sat in shock. Was Luffy using… Bigger words than he normally did? And how did he know what Sanji and Nami's 'dispute' was about?? "How did you-" Usopp began.

Luffy looked at him like it was obvious, "Sanji and Nami are my Nakama," Plain and simple. He continued, looking back at him dumbfounded cook, "You two really need to stop and think about these problems. Sanji, you're really devoted, but you almost go overboard sometimes."

"… HUH?" Sanji managed, his mouth dropping open. What in the hell was going on?!

"You're always buying Nami presents, making her things, talking to her…" Luffy shrugged, "It's not a bad thing at all, but she may feel a little smothered. You're constantly around her, and I know she loves you, but too much of one person can be a bad thing in a relationship."

Sanji's mouth suddenly snapped shut, and he looked at his Captain with a realization. Smothered? Too much? He'd never thought about that before… Meanwhile, Nami's mouth had taken its turn in dropping open. He had hit the nail right on the head! That was exactly what she felt!

"Maybe it's not even that," Luffy said, "Maybe she just doesn't want to feel totally tied down. Having a sense of freedom is important; especially to people like Nami."

Nami's brow furrowed in confusion. How did he… How did he know all of this? It was like he was looking right into her mind! And Luffy?? Her Captain? The happy-go-lucky idiot of a boy who always seemed so awkward when it came to the opposite sex?? … Nothing was making sense…

"But, Nami needs to work on this too," This caught her attention again, "She may feel smothered, but those feelings are no good if she doesn't tell you about 'em. Avoiding talking to you like this is only going to make things go downhill faster."

Nami pulled away from the wall suddenly. She looked down at her lap, feeling the heavy weight of guilt on her shoulders. He was… Right, wasn't he? She was avoiding talking to Sanji about her feelings. If she kept on doing that, who knows what might happen?

"If you two would both work on those things some more, I don't think you'd fight as much," He shrugged innocently, smiling happily, "That's all!" Immediately his attention was drawn to dinner, "Hurry and make dinner, Sanji! I'm hungry!"

And with that, the boy was out the door, smiling and greeting Nami happily as he passed her. No suspicion at all, "Hi Nami!"

"H-Hey Luffy," The Navigator offered as calmly as she could, raising a hand briefly and then lowering it again as Luffy went running downstairs yelling for Chopper to play with him. She put her head in her hands. How did this make sense?! One second he was the 'Love Guru' and the other he was good ol' Monkey D. Luffy. She didn't understand…

What she DID understand, though, was that she needed to talk to Sanji. Because something important had just been brought to her attention by the most unlikely man on the planet.

The men in the kitchen had to wait a few moments before they allowed their mouths to close. They all looked dazed, like a deer caught in headlights, glancing at each other with confusion and unease.

"That was the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen…" Zoro said in little more than a whisper, not believing in the slightest that Luffy had just spewed all of that romantic stuff.

"W-W-What was THAT?" Usopp asked breathlessly, looking over at Sanji, who looked out of breath himself.

"That…" He addressed the two of them, "Our Captain just gave _me_ relationship advice…" Suddenly he broke out into a determined beam and strode for the door, "The most damn fine advice I've ever gotten!"

Dinner would be made with extra meat tonight.

**Author's Note: **

**My first SaNa-ish fic!! YAY! XP **

**It was fun! I'd never done something like this before, but I was really excited all the way through it! Luffy P'OWNS! Just so you know. XD **

**I really thought it'd be ironic if the Captain of the StrawHats were to give Sanji advice, because it would be so out of the blue, and so… Well… Unnatural! XD **

**Hope you all enjoyed it! :) R&R! **


End file.
